We live in a time when people want immediate results, gratification, and reassurance that they are doing what is right and good. However, we do not always get what we want. I can say I have fallen into the trap before of choosing to want results right away whether it be waiting for a grade on an exam in college, in therapy with my kiddos, or even in my own life with thinking that progress occurs overnight. Well it doesn’t happen like that. Never have and really never will with most things that are worth working for. Busting your rump is where the magic happens.
When I reflect upon the past 4 months of my life in particular there has been much progress in a seemingly small or large amount of time depending on how you look at it. I obviously like to think of it as a long time, but I have my whole life ahead of me as well to continue on with this journey. I am sooooo much more focused on working towards goals that I have for myself that I am so super excited to hit the gym almost everyday of the week. I still have not drank pop since January which has been fine, I really don’t even think about it as a possibility even though when I was at my last Pirate’s game my stepdad tempted me. You really don’t think much about the choices you make until you watch what you eat and how you workout. I didn’t care about portion size and I sure as hell didn’t care about what I was eating as long as I liked it. These days I look more closely at food labels than I ever have and I eat tons of fresh food. This being said, I am not a perfect eater and will never claim to be such. No fad diet, and no cutting out sweets. I will have the occasional piece of cake, etc because life is more fun with a little cake.
I still can’t tell you what it was that clicked in my brain and woke me up to start doing what I’m doing. I wish there was a defining moment, however there really isn’t. I do credit Chris for inviting me to start up going to Boot Camp even though when I even though about the name “Boot Camp” I shuddered a little inside. Now I really can’t imagine a Monday without it, even though I have to deal with no class on Memorial Day…ughhhh.
The interesting thing to me is when people say, “You must feel great!” Well I do, but I never really felt “bad”. Yes I was a lot bigger and yes my energy levels were not as high but I always felt like I could do what I wanted, no pains, etc. Now my knees occasionally scream at me, but overall I do feel even better than before.
A big piece of who I am is where I have come from. I say it all the time, “One day at a time” and “Never give up.” I liked the second saying so much it is even permanently on my foot. (Which my mom would tell you she doesn’t really like, but at least it isn’t some random thing that means nothing, right mom?) But these sayings keep me going, they remind me daily that it doesn’t have to be a perfect day all the time, but there really is at least one good thing in every day. Waking up breathing and well is a good thing. If the rest of the day sucks at least you have your health.
On Saturday evening I was home doing my typical dancing to music around the house when I stumbled upon one of my journals from college. As I read through the pages, it really made me think about how much I have grown as a person and I’m not too proud to say that I cried. October 2, 2008 (mid first semester at college) I wrote this as part of one of my entries, “I just hate this chapter in my life. It’s supposed to be the best years of my life and it’s not at all. I feel horrible and stressed and like everything is falling apart.” I can’t stress to anyone how much that life does eventually get better no matter what you’re going through even if it seems like forever when you’re in those dark times. A few years later I wrote, “My strength is so weak you could cut it with a dull knife.” Seriously what a powerful statement. Growth and progress are not overnight or over a few weeks, it takes a long time and it doesn’t stop.
So in all of this progress I see a gain in physical, mental, and emotional strength in myself which is someone unintentional. I hope to inspire others, and I hope that I don’t get annoying with my monthly posts. I’m not looking for bunches of praise, I just want everyone to know that it can be done in time. One day at a time.