Soooo here I sit at 1:30am and I am still pretty much wide awake.  I’m in one of my crazy energy modes again, which happens once in a blue moon.  It is a full moon though for reals tonight so maybe that’s the issue.  Anyway, around midnight I went out and swept my car off and shoveled all around the tires not only so I could save myself some time tomorrow but also so I could burn some energy.  I also took a walk around Toftrees for something to do, desperately wishing I had my camera so I could have taken some pictures of the snow even though I have a love/hate relationship with it.  

Anyway, something that has been weighing on my mind recently a lot is graduation of course, and with the program of study that I’m in there is a lot of unanswered questions as far as jobs go.  I have to be okay with this because there isn’t another option, but it’s hard to do that when you’re controlling as I am with plans like having a job to support myself.  I’m an independent person, I’ll be the first to admit that, but this whole wait til March/April/May/June/July to get hired is a little nerve wracking.  The cool thing though is that I’m laid back when it comes to where.  I’m already pretty much resigned to the fact that working in PA may not work out for me.

I’m totally cool with going south, plus, there isn’t as much snow there even if lately it hasn’t been like that.  I need a change of scenery from State College, it’s just not doing it for me like Pittsburgh did.  I love the friends I’ve made here and I wouldn’t change that for the world, but State is basically like Clearfield County 2.0.  Don’t get me wrong either, I like where I grew up, especially because that’s where part of my family is, but I need a place where I can go for a walk at 1am and it seems like it’s noon.

I’m not a homebody and anyone that knows me knows that I don’t stick around in one place for too long.  I’ve had multiple people say they can’t keep track of where I am because I’m always somewhere.  I love that, and I wouldn’t trade that for that world.  Yes, my schedule is crazy, but I’ve learned that is the best thing for me.   Juggling is something that I’m good at and it helps when you have a very supportive group of friends and family.

Anyway, back to the job search.  It gets further complicated when I bring photography into the mix.  I have copious amounts of weddings this year.  I love it, because it’s what I love to do, but then I think to myself…you can’t end up in North Carolina this school year.  You just can’t.  You have to be around to do those three weddings that you are already committed and excited for.  I’m being torn in two different directions, but the positive light in all of this is that if I stick in PA, I’ll be closer to my family, something that is a priority to me.  So I stick to the Maryland, Virginia, PA area…okay that works for me.

Pittsburgh.  If you’ve talked to me recently or basically in the past year, you know that I long to be back in the the city of Pittsburgh.  Call me crazy, call me whatever you’d like, but I love that city.  There is just something about it that draws me in.  If you would have asked me in Fall 2008 if I would see myself living in that city, the answer would have been a hell no.  My, my how things change though.  I almost even envision myself moving down either with my mom or near and then figuring out the next step.  I’m up for anything at this point and that’s what keeps me sane.  In a field like counseling, you can’t be rigid.

You’ve got to live a little and try out the world, which means that maybe I need to go to Maryland or VA to get some more exposure to other places.  Maybe Baltimore is where it’s at and I’ll want to spend the rest of my life that…who knows.

Ambiguity is something that scares people which is not surprising.  The unknown is a scary place, that is often unchartered territory.  I’m not going to lie that it makes me a little nervous too, but it’s better to see this as a great opportunity than something scary.  At least that’s what I’m telling myself. 🙂  I’m excited to graduate, I’m excited to work a real job as a real person and then think about getting that doctorate.  I’m excited for the unknown in this case, and I know that God will lead me to where he wants me to be.

He knows what is best for me even if I may have a hard time seeing that in the beginning.  I trust that God will bring me to what he thinks is best for me and will allow me to help others in any capacity that I get put into.  I know that post graduation will work out and I know I will have God by my side along with my family to guide me as I charter into the unknown.  🙂

Here’s to hopefully falling asleep soon!