Yet another one of my ideas for a post comes from riding in the car by myself. On the way down to my mom’s house this weekend, I decided halfway down there that I was going to listen to the radio. The first half an hour was kinda boring considering I switched from one radio station to the next with country song after country song, but once I got out of hickville, USA, I was better able to find a better selection. I divided up the time and had my share of rap, r and b, and pop….etc.
This is weird for me because I don’t like the radio. I don’t listen to the radio because they play the same songs, and I really don’t care for the radio stations in my area, but something was different about this time for some reason. Anyway, I never really thought anything about it, but last night I went into the city to see some friends. Keeping the radio on, I tuned into a Christian station. Now being that I don’t listen to the radio and am often upset with how many songs I hear repeated, I decided to keep it there. To my surprise, I actually really liked a lot of the songs. Some of the songs were a little corny…and usually I’m not into listening to that type of music, but tonight was different for some reason. This made me think of Winter Jam and all of the people that came out for it. I found out after the event that Matthew West was in the line up which made me actually a little bit sad because I really like him. Though I was sad that I didn’t hear any songs by him, I did hear a song by Britt Nicole called “Gold.”
It sounded like any other song, much like something a pop singer would sing, but the message was different. Part of the lyrics include: So don’t let anybody tell you that you’re not loved.
And don’t let anybody tell you that you’re not enough.
Yeah, there are days when we all feel like we’re messed up.
But that truth is that we’re all diamonds in the rough.
I’ve spoken many times on the second line and about being worth it. This is not another post about it, this is more about spirituality. As I listened to the songs it took me back to last year, a time when I struggled a lot with a combination of things and also back to my freshman year where I had struggles with finding a major, etc. I noticed that even though I go to church every week, it meant a lot more to me when I was in times of need such as the ones I just mentioned. So why listen to Christian radio now? Really, I don’t know what made me choose that station but there was something sad yet refreshing about it.
It really did make me think back to the times when I listened to Matthew West, thinking, “Wow, I think he wrote this about my life.” I didn’t like my life then, so hearing that same kind of music talking about all that stuff conjured up memories that I really didn’t want to have. Yet, I listened on. I don’t know what it is, but over the past few weeks, I’ve decided that my spirituality is more important to me. I’m not one to quote scripture or be over the top, so don’t expect that, but I find comfort in the fact that even though I’m doing fine emotionally, that I can turn to my religion and feel good about it. Like I said in the last post, I don’t like to preach to people, I think everyone has their beliefs and that is great. I’m hoping this week sometime I get to daily mass, I really wanted to go tomorrow, but a meeting has taken over instead, so I will try for Tuesday. If anything, this time in the church will give me some more silent time. Silence is something I need sometimes.
In my pre-practicum class and other counseling classes we talked about the use of silence in counseling. Most professors (who are counselors themselves) say that silence is one of the most important tools that you can use. I hate silence. It makes me giggle. I found that out during group, but since I was forced to be okay with it, it got easier over the semester. It is something that I am going to try to use more frequently. I’m a person that doesn’t like to sit in silence. I get antsy. I get this both from my mom and dad. Mom and I tried yoga once. FAIL. We both were like WTF when we left after laying in silence doing muscle relaxation for about 10 minutes. We both remarked on how awkward it felt to just lay there and hear the lady’s voice. lol. Same thing happened to me when the counselor I saw in my senior year recommended I try relaxation. Tried sitting quiet for 2 minutes…kept starring at the clock. I like noise. Not when I’m studying though…just any other time….such as in the car.
Since I started this program, I have become more okay with silence. It is an amazing tool, so amazing that people talk about silence all the time…when you search for quotes on silence, you can find page after page, but I think this describes best what I’m trying to say here:
“Silence is more eloquent than words.” – Thomas Carlyle.
When we look at this quote, we can reflect upon the great strength of silence. Why don’t I like sitting in silence? Why do I become anxious during times of “relaxation”? Who knows, but at least through this program, I have gained greater knowledge in this area.
If there is anything I can say about this program that I’m in, it’s that I have really discovered who I am as a person. Through numerous reflection papers and talks with faculty, I have gotten more in touch with who I am. I’m starting to discover that I like that person more than I thought I did, too. It truly is amazing to me. I believe that you have to be in touch with yourself to be a counselor. If I were a person seeking counseling, there is no way that I would want a counselor who had unresolved issues themselves. Through a greater understanding of myself, I can fully place myself in the moment with the person I am trying to help, and though at times I may go through rough patches, I can hopefully get through them with greater ease because of past experiences. If there was anything about Freud’s theory that was correct it was the assumption that the past influences the present. I could write a whole blog on that, but I will save it for later.
Now I’m back in State College ready to start another week of school. This weekend was a blessed one where I got to see my mom, stepdad and brother and I got to gain a whole new appreciation for a genre of music that I normally don’t care for….though I’m not hopeful for country! Whether you’re Christian or not, spirituality is a part of overall wellness, it’s important to our health. We should probably embrace some part of it. We may be better off because of it. (Notice the MAY…I don’t want to overgeneralize here).