November. A month that I thought would behold some of the greatest races and events of my life and yet here I sit frustrated wondering when I’ll be able to run again day after day after day. October 15th is the last day that I ran. I’m not going to lie, this whole bending, not squatting, no deadlifts, no running, no Zumba, no Hip Hop is getting old fast. I’m not going to lie, I’m frustrated. Frustrated because I can’t perform the tasks that I used to as easily as I used to, but I’m also easily reminded that things could be a lot worse and that I should be thankful for my abilities. I have been down before, but this down is different than any “down” I’ve ever felt before because of my different outlook on life.
I wake up every morning thinking that my hip and back will have no pain, and I am hopeful that one day I won’t hurt again because I am told that it does get better. You know what, though? I’ve been a little bit down on myself lately, but I’m here to tell you that that is okay and guess what? It gets better, and it’s okay to be down.
I know that a lot of people see me as this person that is positive ALL the time. However, that is untrue. Life is what we make of it. Always has been and always will be. Being down is not a forever state unless we let it be that way. We create our own happiness and we live our lives making choices on how we react to the things that happen to us.
It would be the easy thing to let this injury totally throw me off track back into the spiral of bad eating, pop drinking, and little exercise. However I do know that a certain person named Shellie would also kick my ass for even thinking about something like that. Haha. It would be the easy thing to just let it all go and allow myself to be comfortable in the fact that I can’t do what I used to do the way I want to.
You know what isn’t comfortable but also allows for growth both physically and mentally? Continuing on in the fashion that I best know how to and allowing myself to overcome these frustrating weeks that have followed my half. I am incredibly blessed. Words do not really even begin to describe how blessed I truly am in so many facets of my life. I do not want anyone to think that I am perfect because no one is. It is truly in how we pick ourselves up though and continue on even though it’s not the easy thing to do. We may get frustrated, we may cry, we may wish things were different and we may get mad as hell, but we can’t let that break us.
I remind myself daily that my blessings allow me to live the way I want to and to also appreciate what I have. I can walk, right there is the biggest blessing of them all. This pain will subside in time and it will get better, and I will run again. Some people can’t say that. It’s not fair that people have to suffer in general. It is something that I have never understood even in my faithfulness. It is just one of those things that is hard to understand in general. This short period of time has opened my eyes even more in a good way and allowed me to greater appreciate everything that I have and my abilities even though I have allowed that sadness to creep in here and there.
Being down for a little is okay. Not being positive all the time is okay. Bringing other people down is not okay. Quitting is not okay. A setback is not the end of a journey. My story is continually in progress and it is only the beginning. One step at a time, one day a time.